You what can be good and bad at the same time? Growing up. You may or may not be asking yourself, "How can something like that be good and bad at the same time?" Well, that's what I'm going to tell you. 

I had been on twitter as I usual am and I came across a tweet that had me thinking and got me curious. The tweet mentioned that they had joined something called the Buddy Project. It's a system that was created by three people on twitter. Their twitter names are: @ItsGabbyMarie, @twerkingbrooks and @NiallsFormuoli. But the main creator is Gabby.

The whole reasoning to creating this was because Gabby said, "I started Buddy Project because I saw how many people I knew in real life and online that were suffering and needed someone to just be there for them." As quoted from the Buddy Project Website. It's true though, everyone does need that person that they can go to and talk to about anything. I mean, I'm sure there's a few times yourself where you would be wishing that someone, or anyone, would come to your side and help you with your problems.

There are a few forms of this. There is a twitter, website, tumblr and a facebook page I have yet to find. So no matter what, you will be able to find The Buddy Project on different social networking sites. It can definitely be a help to anyone depending on what sites they are on. They also have yet to expand to other sites.

How the buddy project works is that you sign up here and write your name, twitter and the different fanbases you are in. The owner then collects everyone who signed up and pairs them up with the same fanbase so that there is something mutual between the two. And then the lists are made for you to find your buddy. 

I've signed up myself and I have my buddy myself. We do occasionally talk to check up and see how the other is doing and it actual does feel great that someone is there and I truly know that. It's a lovely feeling to have. Honestly, I'm so glad I found it because now I can help people when needed and if I need help, I know exactly where to go.

 I really like the Buddy Project because I like how the people running it helps everyone because they would rather have people still being alive then going around and thinking that suicide and other things are the answer. It's never okay for that to be the answer. Instead, explaining to someone how you feel can actually make you feel better because yes, I do in fact know what it's like to be called a name. And it hurts. It really does. 

As also for the twitter, it is used to tweet out inspirational pictures and things that would make you feel good so it doesn't tear you down. The tumblr is more for if you need help, then go there and someone will be there if there is no one you can turn to. Also, other people and a few maybe not well known, celebrities are finding out the Buddy Project and have even joined themselves because no one deserves to be sad.

All in all, I would highly recommend you sign up for The Buddy Project. It's a fantastic project and is still working it's way up. It's better to save a life than to watch one shrivel up beneath your fingertips and you do nothing to help.

This is the poem I presented for Coffee House. Thought I'd share it with you. In a word document, it was two pages total. 

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She’s hidden herself away from the people she’s loved.

She thinks that no one wants her even though she’s told every night by her mother,

“Goodnight, I love you so much”

She doesn’t even believe in herself to do the simplest task she could possibly be asked.

You think you know her but the truth is, you don’t.

I bet you didn’t know that she’s thought of running away.

She wants to run away from the pain she’s received from the many people in her lives.

You may or may not have seen her in the halls, with a broken smile which may not even seem that broken to you. But that’s because you don’t know what she thinks of.

And do you know anything about being broken?

The truth is, she often has these deep thoughts about her life.

She thinks that her life is as fragile as glass. As soon as you drop it, you’re never bound to fix it.


It’s scattered on the ground, with little bits that you can’t find with the naked eye, so it gets swept away like her feelings. And that’s why she thinks glass is a simple comparison to her own life.

And at the end of the day, she’s the one who is there for others because she believes others deserve to be more happy than her.

She does have her breakdowns and she doesn’t like them. It makes her look weak to the others.

She wants to be that strong girl who can take on anything the world gives her, even if it’s the worst case scenario.

She compares herself to the others in her class and, for all she knows, they could be as broken as her but everyone comes across as a bright happy person.

In this world, she’s wept to her hearts content and still wishes that more tears would come. You call this girl beautiful even though, her constant thought is the one time she was called fat and ugly. She cried in her best friend’s arms and she still didn’t feel loved. Nothing was said to the girl about the situation. She just wiped her tears while people who passed stared and stared at this what used to be, full of life girl.

You think telling her that she’s beautiful and lovely and a piece of art will help her in her journey, but she pushes the thought aside and hides behind what she thinks is safe. A happy face telling you that, “Believe me, I’m fine,” when in reality that’s not the case.

You see, when she was younger, she was full of this life and when she told you she was good, she was. But now everything is a lie. She barely will tell you the truth of how she’s feeling because half the time she couldn’t give you a word that could possibly describe her emotion.

You see her now with those earbuds in her ears, comforting her in a way she never thought possible.

Her comforting methods are much different than yours. She still falls asleep with her favourite teddy bear, hugging it dearly because that’s all she was given to use to cope with when she felt alone and abandoned in this place we call society.

She pushed away those who she needed and finds herself alone in the halls of a school. Although, she never was like this. It was her own doing and she was left by others.

She wishes it doesn’t have to be this way but she still sits there with the broken smile, and the life she calls glass. The glass that is shattered and doesn’t even bother to pick up the pieces because she feels there is no point. It’s broken. Just like her.

She hopes that you’ll understand. Pain is taking it’s toll on her and she wishes you will then get the truth about her.

Maybe one day she’ll reveal herself.

And maybe one day she’ll be able to stand tall again just like when she was younger.

Maybe her life won’t be as fragile as glass as she claims. And she’ll pick up the pieces and be able to put it together so that she, is not broken anymore.

After watching the documentary on the idea of youth being jobless, it had me thinking. The reason being is because it stated something about teachers. It says that we have too many new teachers in Ontario when we are comparing it to the retired ones leaving the job. The comparison in numbers is a drastic change. The documentary said how it is about 11000 students that are taught to teach in the classroom environment. It's crazy to think that it is that high of a number. 

Now, when I think of it of where I stand. A question does arise. Does this in any way change if I want to pursue the career of being a teacher? I think for myself, the answer is still that I want to become a teacher. I do realize that they are saying that people are often left jobless or only supply teach here and there. It's nothing steady. I think the only stable time is when you actually do have a job or unless you get called in to teach if a teacher goes on maternity leave. And then at that time you know that it's only temporary depending on when the teacher goes off. In a way, you do get lucky if it's in the beginning of the year they have to leave because then you become more involved with the students and then they know who you are. Instead of only knowing them for a couple months. But is any job really actually stable? 

I also think that for a teacher, even if you aren't guaranteed a job after completing your schooling, it's always a learning experience. And considering that I want to deal with younger kids, I'd be learning everyday on how they react to things. I can learn new things from the students or maybe in something you teach. Teaching isn't all about teaching the subjects needed.

But now thinking to the future, I'm remembering a conversation with my parents I had just yesterday. I said, "Just imagine what the future classroom will be like. I won't be teaching kids on paper, I'll be teaching them how to turn on a computer and how to type." I really do believe that in the future, we might just get rid of the production of paper to do work on. Instead it'll be all done on computers which will really turn us all jobless. No one will be able to work due to the fact that computers will have taken over everything. And who's to say that teachers will even be needed in the future? Maybe people will be removed and we will have our children stay home and sit on a computer doing their schoolwork. It's a scary thought. The way our technology is going, that may be our reality and fate. People won't be needed to work. Our computers will be our brains.

Let's be honest here. I've got some good ideas in my drafts right now and as they sit there, and unedited. The thing is that I go to write what I want for a blog and then I don't get it done. The reason being is that I haven't really been that motivated lately. Not really motivated to finish or have the correct ideas, or at least that's what I think personally. 

It's actually kind of weird to think that for some reason I go to write about what I think and what I feel on the topic but then I can't get the words I want down. What you don't see right now is that I'm actually almost struggling with writing these exact words; which you can't tell due to the fact of you are reading this finished blog. 

The thing is that sometimes people need motivation to do a lot in life but I personally think that for some reason that people shouldn't really need to have motivation at all times. I mean, we shouldn't need to have someone tell us that inspires us to do something. It should be a personal choice. Or at least something that sparked in us to do something. I feel as though that'd be much better than trying to have someone else spark our motivation.

For me though, I've been trying to seek for motivation in myself. I'm not looking to someone else to give me that "spark" so that I will just be fiercely writing away in and instant. I would much rather find it. I guess that is why you haven't seen a blog on here this week yet. And why this is the first one. It's not that I don't have the ideas or concepts I want, it's just getting the motivation and words I need to write down. I think that's my problem. Or a better way to put it, I'm also having writer's block. For now, I think this is mostly what I'd like to say on the topic. Hopefully you will understand.

Going to be honest here, but I get nervous really easily. It's when I have to present something and well, that just happened.

For class, we had to do a debate and our topic was criminal justice and rehabilitation. My partner and I were the affirmative in the debate, meaning we would rather have rehab for criminals then just sending them to jail. And I do think we had valid reasons and stated our points. But that isn't the point of my blog.

Nervousness. It's a thing that everyone gets. You know, that feeling you get when you have to present a huge project to the class but you have to wing it? It's kind of like that. Let's go to Google for some verification.

Nervousness: jitteriness: the anxious feeling you have when you have the jitters

If we were comparing it to today, I was definitely jittery. The thing was, I knew our material and what we needed to say to get our side of the debate across. Whenever I'm told by a teacher that it's my turn to go up, or I know that I'm going up soon, my heart rate increase to what seems to be 10 times quicker than it should be normally. I've always been like this. Letting nervousness take over my presenting skills. 

Another thing to add is that for myself, I can clearly tell that I'm shaking. I've never actually been told that you can see that I'm shaking while presenting, but I just know.  Only in class, it was different this time. I presented with my legs and hands shaking, my heart pounding in my chest and my only mindset was to try to not get my voice being shaky and to let my class that I was clearly not okay up there. But after we were done, I gripped onto the papers and went into the hall while the rest of the class evaluated us. I took a hand off of my paper and my hand was literally shaking so hard that I couldn't do anything about it.

The thing is, being nervous is something we all do. And there's different reasons to why we get nervous. Maybe it's like me and you're presenting a task you were given and you don't think it'll meet the standards. Or maybe you weren't prepared because you procrastinated your work to the night before. The last two combined is very typical for a person to be nervous. But the question is, that if we get nervous like that and we continually do the same things over and keep getting nervous, then how will we ever get over our nervousness?

It's definitely a question I don't have the answer to because I do the exact same thing. But guess what? I'm still learning to cope with it. I haven't overcome my fear of presenting yet but I hope to achieve that before I die. I'd rather be confident in what I work on and show others my ideas. Being confident than being nervous over the fact people may not like it or you'll screw up is not worth a breath.

The truth is, we all have something that we're insecure about. Some people are more insecure about a lot of things about themselves while some people may not have a lot. Some of us may not think about the tiny flaws that only your own self could see.  People usually take the flaws and use it for good or bad. It can go two ways.

One way, it could be positively. Someone could point out something on you that maybe you don't like yourself and compliment you on it. Which will, well I hope, would make you feel better about yourself. Who doesn't like to feel good about themselves? It's one of the best feelings in the world to have. Feeling good in your own skin even if you live with the insecurities that you may not like or enjoy.

To me, I think that getting a compliment on a flaw can make any day brighter. But maybe you don't believe them. You should. It's something nice that someone did for you and believe that it could be the best part of you. Don't turn down on what others like in you.

The other way though, it could be taken negatively. People can point out your flaws and look down on them. Pushing you down on what you thought people didn't notice about you. Maybe it's a physical feature or even maybe it's something you thought no one knew.

Either way, I think we all take our insecurities differently, No two people are the same so they would react differently and there's not much we can do about it. But I just hope that you hide it down and do something worse with what you're told. Simple words can even trigger a person so I feel as though we need to be careful with what we say because like mentioned, people will react to it. But you may not know it. Comments on someone's known insecurity can hurt them in an unknown way. Do not take something that someone does not like about themselves lightly.

Have you ever had someone tell you that music has saved a life? Or to be more general, how a band may have saved someone. It's a crazy thing to think that sometimes inspiring music can be the light to someone's world. I don't have any experiences with this happening to me. But I have in fact felt that music can seriously help you feel better about yourself or just tell you the truth. 

Musicians are often thanked for keeping them alive for so long when no one else could. I've seen posts online and heard from others that also when these musicians are told this, their reactions can be almost about anything. Some can say that they themselves saved their own self, some may say that or they will thank the person for being alive. Another thing that I've also heard about is that if a fan has harmed themselves in any way and the artist found out and/or saw they will hug the fan and tell them to get better. And to keep staying strong and on the road to a more positive lifestyle.

Sometimes the valid reason is that the artist had gone through similar things the fan has so that is why fans will approach to tell them that fact. An example of this is the lead singer of Marianas Trench, Josh Ramsay.

Josh Ramsay who was in fact bulimic, depressed, self-harmed,  went through a heroin addiction and some anorexia has been told countless times of how their lives were saved and how big of an inspiration he is. He went through these things at around the same time that young teens go through all of this. He's written music throughout his tough times. Marianas Trench has an album called 'Fix Me' in which the songs were based off of what Josh went through as a teenager. A song that has come from the album, I will link in is a song written called, 'Skin & Bones'. Advising you that there are some swear words if you do not like hearing them.

Josh even mentioned in an interview that as he struggled, he wrote music because it made good music. It got his thoughts down on paper. Sometimes getting your thoughts down on paper or somewhere other than your overwhelmed mind can be the best thing. And that's what he did. He got out in a way he knew would work. Music.

And this is why I say that music can save lives. People go through their life listening to different types of music that help them get through their rough path called life. It has it's ups and downs but even in the toughest times, sometimes it is the comfort you need that another person can't give you if that is the case.

Besides, people look up to others like this because they believe that they are a good influence. Even if they went through the tough time themselves, they got through it and they are still alive. They are living proof that it does in fact get better.

Information that Josh talked about what he went through in an interview 

Dear Anonymous,

I've been watching you for awhile. Don't take it as something to be creepy but I've just been seeing how you've been running your life. Or even yet, running from it. The one question I have is, why? Why must you run when there is so much beauty in life? Now you might think, "What do you know, you're only fifteen." Yeah, sure I'm only fifteen but that doesn't matter. Age does not matter. I'm simply a fifteen year old and I want to give you something that you should always have in your life. Love and a better mirror. Don't shut down on me yet, I know you think I'm crazy. Trust me, I know. But let me simply extend on these two things.

Love. Love is needed by everyone because without that, we'd all feel empty and lonely. I know the feeling. Love is a necessity and a key to a lot of relationships. Friends, family and your significant other. That is, if you do in fact have one. If you have someone in your life that you either don't love or they don't love you, then get a better friend. People who don't cherish and love who you are shouldn't be with you. Just to clarify, I do in fact love you. Don't ever forget that feeling of love in your life. It lights up the darkest areas of life even if it does feel like you are nearing a black hole. Or for your matter, feeling as though you are in one.

A Better Mirror. Firstly, I know what you're thinking. "Why are you telling me I need a mirror?" Just listen to me okay? I got my ideas even if I am younger in your eyes. The reason you need a better mirror is so that you can see your true beauty. Not from just the outside where you see what your outward appearance is, but your inside. On the inside, you are made up of a loving and caring personality. You have so much to give this world, it's crazy. Except you hide away this gorgeous personality with the trait of shyness. If I could specially make you a mirror, I would make you a mirror that showed you the brightness in your life and all the happiness you could ever need. Stop looking on the outside for answers. It's better to look inward for the best possibilities you can get. 

 Now, these are just two things I think you need majorly in your life right now. There are other things I could touch on but I think for now, this should be a great help to you. These two things can offer you so much and will give you a lot. I want you to get better. Stop running and slowly go through life appreciating what you have and who you are. And who you will become. Please be better and learn to go through things more positively.

Love,
Kimberly

Everyone has their satisfaction of their comfort zones. The only thing is, we don't ever seem to break out of it.  I know that we have this "zone" so that we can stay safe and sane, but is that really the truth? We can't really predict that if our comforts will actually keep us safe and sane. 

We're often told that we have to break out of them because sometimes the best things can happen. I can't say that I know this for sure because I'm still in that process of trying to break out and be comfortable in whatever situation I'm in. I'm only telling you what I've been told myself.

In my opinion, I do actually think that the best things can come out of leaving your comforts. For all you know, you could learn something new about yourself. Maybe find a talent that you never knew you had. Or through all of it you could make a new friend. These are only some things that I think that could happen. 

Now, if you come across this blog this is me saying to you that I want you to break out of your shell that is your comfort zone. I am going to do the same so I hope you join in trying to find new things the be brought into your life.